dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
