Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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