this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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