my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
