Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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