Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
