hotel room ftw
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
