u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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