three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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