I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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