I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
