I need help removing her.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize