I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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