"it" just moved
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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