and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
