Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
