when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
