I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life is so much better after having sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
