You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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