filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
