well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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