I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
