sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
