i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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