i just google imaged poop.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
being pregnant is like rehab
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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