My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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