You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
