...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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