bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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