she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
