and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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