my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
