im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
