He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my shit smells like andre
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i drank out of a bidet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
