Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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