You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
