dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize