I haven't been this sober since birth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So vagazzling was a success
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
