My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
