Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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