I will die if light touches me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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