I puked a lego.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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