I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
