ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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