Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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