She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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