dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
