he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
