I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
