He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
