i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
