i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
