I have demons in me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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