That's intense
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
