i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
