So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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