Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
