This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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