If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy sore nipples Batman
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
