I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
is that a dick in a sweater?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
