Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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