it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
