do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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