walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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