Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
