Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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