Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
