I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize