How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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